Corporate Crap

Being a big fan of Scott Adams' Dilbert, i've always marveled at the striking real-life examples of "The Boss" behavior in the crappy corporate management world. I've also seen Dilbertesque jokes like the following doing the rounds..

Do you want to impress or confuse clients or Boss...use Techno vocabulary...
It can be called the "Buzzword" writing method. It is simple. There are three columns of words involved, as follows:

0. Balanced 0. Management 0. contingency

1. total 1. Organization 1.Hardware (or software)

2. integrated 2. reciprocal 2. projection

3. compatible 3. monitored 3. time-frame

4. synchronized 4. digital 4. concept

5. optimal 5. modular 5. programming

6. responsive 6. transitional 6. mobility

7. functional 7. Incremental 7. capability

8. parallel 8. third-generation 8. flexibility

9. systemized 9. policy 9. options


Just select any three-digit number; then use the corresponding Buzzwords from the above grid, e.g., 257: "integrated modular capability". Don't worry if it doesn't make sense to you; it won't mean anything to anyone else either, but they'll think you're just smarter than they are so they won't say anything!! ..

You can propose "systemized reciprocal options" (929) to achieve "optimal transitional flexibility" (568), so that we can think of an "integrated monitored projection" ..............and your boss will probably promote

However, today my colleague showed me this gem. Its a classic. Actually its the Program Objective of one of the projects in the company where i work. Didn't make an iota of sense to me.....

Program Objective

Through the coordinated strategic sourcing and centralization of operations/support* (in the SMO function) deliver on a set of value capture goals to enable IPG IT’s strategic value-creation initiatives.